After 13 years to my grandfather’s death, My family bid farewell to my 14-year-old cousin brother, When it happened, Our home was flooded with people eager to extend condolences and support. I would never doubt the positive intentions of friends and relatives but at the same time, there is no denying to the lack of social education around how to communicate with a mourning family. So here are 5 Ways You Can (Should) Communicate With A mourning Family- Disclaimer: Advice is based on personal experience.
1. Don’t investigate about the death too much: “For how long was he/she ill?” “Had he shredded a lot of pounds” or “How much had the cancer spread?” are not OK QUESTION to ask at a funeral. A beloved has passed away, mourn with the family, Show your condolence not your anticipating concerns.
2. Don’t Suggest How To Mourn: Everyone has a different way of dealing with such distressing events, Don’t force people who aren’t crying to cry, and don’t tell crying people to stop crying. It’s weird to have people tell you how to feel and forcing you to cry when you don’t want to. Grief is a process, don’t interrupt. Let them be.
3. Don’t vocalize Your Sympathies: It breaks my heart to a whole another level when these Desi Aunties and Neighbouring Uncles tell parents who’ve lost their child that too a boy, how unfortunate they’ve gotten,Or children who’ve lost their parents that “you don’t comprehend how big your loss is” and “It’s so horrible that you’ve lose your mum, there’s no replacement”. It’s really important that you remember that you’re there to support the close friends and family as they lament, having a lightyear door ka rishterydaar breaking down over the mayyat while the immediate family calms them is not OK. We all deal with death differently and if it’s something you know overwhelms you, take caution.
5. Don’t expect/ask for food refreshment: let’snot elaborate on this one. Even if you’re a relative, don’t ask people if they want chaaye, or insist that they don’t leave without eating or pack the foods. This can really not be the family’s primary concern.
It is essential you understand that to process an event like this is heart-wrenching, you should respect privacy and way people express their grieve, Find out how you can help, As the last advice on this Ask the relatives if arrangements have been made and if there is anything that needs to be taken care of ensuring all funeral-related arrangements are done with least hassle, It’s also much better than nervously chattering with equally nervous people.
Take Note People, More How-To-Deal Advices are lined up. Stay tuned!